"Elaine" was in on Wednesday. She was almost in tears at the thought of driving her daughter from Danville to a class in Lafayette that afternoon. "Perfect!" I said.
We took it step by step: leaving the house, driving through the town streets to the freeway entrance, onto the freeway, then exit by exit to the 680/24 split, the dreaded overpass, and finally to the Pleasant Hill Exit. For nearly the full 90-minutes of our session, we tapped. By the end of the session, she was able to go through the entire route in her mind without fear.
As she was leaving, I asked her to email or call me to let me know how the actual drive went. When I hadn't heard from her by Thursday afternoon, I called her. Had it gone so badly that she was too disappointed to call?
Nope. Turns out that it went so well that she forgot it had been a big deal to begin with, forgot her promise to check-in with me. When I reminded her how frightened she had been, she turned sheepish. It was hard for her to relate to the intensity of the fear she'd experienced for so many years after such an effortless drive.
And that, folks, is exactly how it's supposed to work.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
How much do you charge?
In my circles of friends and colleagues, it's common to speak in terms of "an exchange of energy" when describing the collection of fees for services rendered.
Setting fees has been problematic for me from the very first client I saw, nearly 18 years ago. How does one put a monetary value on one's skills? On healing? On wellness?
When I say I have a "sliding scale," some people are puzzled by the phrase. It means that my fees are adjustable, according to the client's financial situation.
Some years ago, there was one troubled man I saw over a period of several months. He was a referral from Dr. Len Saputo of the Health Medicine Institute and because of debilitating back pain, could only work part-time. Dr. Saputo was using photon light therapy on him and although there was some improvement from that, Dr. Saputo astutely figured that there must be emotional components to the pain that prevented the complete "cure" possible. I offered to see "Jim" at $25 per visit. He was fearless in our work together, never refusing to go into what I think of as the "tender places" in order to heal. As he got better and better, he was able to work more. I realize that I expected him to offer to increase his weekly payment to me as his financial situation improved. When that didn't happen, I understood how naive I'd been in my expectation.
I'm better at setting those boundaries these days. As important as it is for to me to be of service when I can, and to price those services to be accessible, I know it is also up to me to ask for what I feel those services are worth. People who don't blink at dropping hundreds of dollars for a single dinner at a fine restaurant put up all kinds of resistance when asked to pay my full fee. Sometimes I can laugh about. Sometimes.
Setting fees has been problematic for me from the very first client I saw, nearly 18 years ago. How does one put a monetary value on one's skills? On healing? On wellness?
When I say I have a "sliding scale," some people are puzzled by the phrase. It means that my fees are adjustable, according to the client's financial situation.
Some years ago, there was one troubled man I saw over a period of several months. He was a referral from Dr. Len Saputo of the Health Medicine Institute and because of debilitating back pain, could only work part-time. Dr. Saputo was using photon light therapy on him and although there was some improvement from that, Dr. Saputo astutely figured that there must be emotional components to the pain that prevented the complete "cure" possible. I offered to see "Jim" at $25 per visit. He was fearless in our work together, never refusing to go into what I think of as the "tender places" in order to heal. As he got better and better, he was able to work more. I realize that I expected him to offer to increase his weekly payment to me as his financial situation improved. When that didn't happen, I understood how naive I'd been in my expectation.
I'm better at setting those boundaries these days. As important as it is for to me to be of service when I can, and to price those services to be accessible, I know it is also up to me to ask for what I feel those services are worth. People who don't blink at dropping hundreds of dollars for a single dinner at a fine restaurant put up all kinds of resistance when asked to pay my full fee. Sometimes I can laugh about. Sometimes.
These are the days of miracle and wonder ...
My newsletter column this month was about two quirks of the subconscious mind: one, that it can't tell the difference between what's real and what's imagined; two, that it has no sense of time.
One of my clients commented that as logical as that second quirk sounds, she found it impossible to believe that "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." She offered the analogy of an amputation, asserting that once the limb is gone, it's gone forever and the impact of that injury must be dealt with every day.
I explained that the work we were doing together made the difference between the ability to live life feeling healthy and whole versus experiencing "phantom limb pain" for the rest of her days.
One of my clients commented that as logical as that second quirk sounds, she found it impossible to believe that "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." She offered the analogy of an amputation, asserting that once the limb is gone, it's gone forever and the impact of that injury must be dealt with every day.
I explained that the work we were doing together made the difference between the ability to live life feeling healthy and whole versus experiencing "phantom limb pain" for the rest of her days.
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