Even When You Don't Think It's Working ...

Here's an experience I had in my practice with a darling 5-year-old boy.

 

I have never seen a child more active!  He bounced all over my waiting room and inner office, seemingly incapable of keeping his busy, curious little hands off just about anything he happened to see.  He had questions about everything, and made astonishing connections from the answers.  Obviously very, very bright!

 

His mom said that at school, the teacher was frustrated with him and there was talk of exploring medication.  

 

I managed to get him to try the Child's TAT Pose and say, "I am calm."  He didn't comply with any of my repeated requests to "look at things with your eyes instead of your  hands," and it took threatening to unplug the little floor fountain I have in my waiting room to get him to stop splashing the water all over; but each time I asked him (about 4 times over a 45-minute period) to go into "The Pose," he complied immediately. 

 

Still, by the time he and his exhausted, frazzled mom left, I wondered if they had gotten any value from their time with me.

This is an excerpt from the email I received from his mom the day after our session:

The calming strategy has been very helpful and I have had E. use it already! I have started doing it myself! :) We flew [out of state] to visit  family last night, but when we were on the shuttle to the airport E. started to get very hyper.  I had him do the pose and he was actually calm the rest of the way!  When we left your office, E. fell asleep right away!  I came home and ended up taking a 3 hour nap that felt more relaxed that any sleep I have had for awhile. So thank you for that! 

 And this is why I love TAT :-)

What fun!

I recently had the opportunity to work with a 5-year-old girl.  "Mandy" came in with her dad and the three of us sat in my waiting room and chatted for a while.  She was adorable and very articulate.  She was also very serious and there was a tension in her face and body that made me sad in someone so young.

Mandy's parents have been divorced for a while, but a recent move had churned up all kinds of issues for her.  She told me that when she was with her dad, she missed her mom and when she was with her mom she missed her dad.  At her new school she just wanted to be alone.  She missed her old house.  When she spoke of missing the house before that one, her dad gently reminded her that she was an infant when they lived there and couldn't possibly remember it.  Very serious she looked at him and said, "But I miss it."

There, in my waiting room, as she was securely sitting next to her dad, I asked her to imagine a string between her and the first house.  In response to my questions, she described the string as being "thin and invisible." I offered her a pair of golden scissors to cut the string and she calmly did so.  When I asked her how that felt she smiled and said, "I feel happy."



I asked her to imagine the house she'd just moved from.  She closed her eyes and nodded.  "Imagine a cord between you and that house."  This time the cord was thick and heavy and was covered with "a hundred thorns."  We agreed that a simple pair of golden scissors wouldn't cut through it.  She excitedly thought of a big pair of scissors that she'd seen somewhere that would work.  And they did.  When I asked how she felt after cutting that big, thorny cord she smiled and said, "I feel happy!"

Then I asked if she would like me to tell her a story that I could record for her to listen to anytime.  She nodded and accompanied me into my office.  There, we talked about The Wizard of Oz and how Glinda the Good Witch floated around in a pretty bubble.  Would she like to have a big bubble to float around in?  In that bubble, she'd always feel calm and happy.  "Yes," she answered.  Between us we worked out some details that I wove into a ten-minute recording.

By the time Mandy and her dad left, there was no tension in Mandy's face or body.  She hugged me warmly and there was light in her eyes and smile.  What we did together was so simple and yet so impactful for that sweet little one. 

I am grateful to Mandy's mom for taking a chance on my work to help her daughter.  Thinking of Mandy's "I feel happy!" still makes me smile.